My dream

I still feel choke up as usual. because I could not find how I go near that.
What is the way to clear up a bit of a mess in my mind?
It is natural surely that I have a lot of things I don't know more than the things I know so much.
In spite of myself, probably I may have a lot of desire.
It is terrible that I run into a same thing almost everyday without a change.
What should I do in an unclear state?
I know that It's gonna ok as time goes by. but I am not sure.
I may want something else because I have stayed for a long time at home since I came here.
It is partly wrong that I am nervous because It may be a little different way between you and me.
I am stuffy when I couldn't speak what I want to say.
I want to discover me getting better and better.
I wonder what I am looking at. Probably it may be a vagueness.
I know it makes me afraid because I have no idea at all.
It is obviously attractive merit that I am good at another language skilfully.
I hope to realize my dream.
Please, lead me into the right path.

PS. About this essay, It took so lots of time to express my thoughts in writing like searching dictionary many times etc. I am completely worn out.
I had better go to bed right now. It's too late as usual.
Am I goofy? stupid? lunatic? turnip truck? >_<